Let’s be honest — I’ve fallen into passive parenting more times than I care to admit.
Giving my son a tablet while I clean, letting him watch TV all day because I’m exhausted from being up all night with the baby… I’ve done it. But here’s the hard truth: I’m not the victim in that scenario — my kids are.
Passive parenting might feel easier in the moment, but it often leads to long-term struggles with discipline, self-esteem, and connection. And I’ve been there.
In a moment of full transparency: I’ve sent my kid to bed with a tablet because I didn’t want to read a book. I’ve shrugged off whether he brushed his teeth because I figured, “he’ll learn eventually.” I’ve been the mom so mentally and physically drained from the day that I turned to doom-scrolling and TV, while the screen babysat my child.
Parenting isn’t easy. It never has been. But it’s the role entrusted to you by God the moment that baby takes their first breath. That means being present. Being intentional. Being engaged — even when it’s hard.
Let’s talk about how to actively parent, even in the chaos of everyday life.
Practical Tips to Move Out of Passive Parenting
I’m writing from the perspective of a stay-at-home mom, but these tips apply to working parents too. None of us are perfect — but progress starts with awareness and small changes.
1. Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries
Children thrive when they understand the rules and know what to expect. Be consistent, calm, and united with your spouse or partner when it comes to boundaries.
Example: “We clean up our toys after playing.” Then actually follow through — every time.
Passive parenting often looks like empty threats or inconsistent discipline. Active parenting looks like gentle, firm follow-through.
I used to rely on empty threats: “If you don’t clean your room, you can’t go with Grandma this weekend.” Of course it didn’t matter whether she cleaned — she still went. Make sure whatever discipline you use is something you can actually follow through on
2. Build a Simple, Doable Daily Routine
Structure gives children security and reduces power struggles.
- Set routines for morning, meals, chores, homework, and bedtime.
- Keep them consistent — even on weekends.
- Visual charts work great for toddlers and younger kids.
Don’t overcomplicate it. A predictable rhythm helps everyone — including you — feel less overwhelmed.
Check out my daily (flexible) routine here.
3. Engage in Regular, Meaningful Conversations
Go beyond “How was your day?”
I once heard actor Matthew McConaughey say, instead of asking your child how they are (which often gets a “fine”), ask:
“What’s it like being a kid these days?”
This opens the door to real connection.
Start small: spend 10–15 minutes before bed recapping your child’s day with them. Talk about their wins, worries, and silly moments.
4. Limit Distractions — Especially Screens
Passive parenting often creeps in when we’re distracted ourselves.
- Create “no phone zones” — like during meals and bedtime.
- Schedule daily undistracted time (even 15 minutes) with each child.
- Try the 10-Minute Connection Rule: 10 minutes of one-on-one play, conversation, or shared activity each day — no phones, no multitasking.
This short time adds up, and your child will notice the difference. I find that quiet hour before bedtime is a golden opportunity — kids are more open, relaxed, and receptive. It’s the ideal time for parents to slow down, connect, and nurture those emotional bonds.
5. Participate in Their World
Be present for their milestones — big and small.
- Go to school events and birthday parties.
- Cheer at the soccer game (even if you don’t understand the rules).
- Learn about their hobbies — even the cringy YouTubers or silly dance trends.
Important: Don’t be the coach. Be the parent. Your job is encouragement, not criticism. Let them be kids.
6. Teach Life Skills & Encourage Problem-Solving
It’s tempting to do everything for our kids — but it’s not helping them grow.
- Teach them how to help with age-appropriate chores.
- Let them solve small problems themselves before stepping in.
- Involve them in cooking, budgeting, or planning the day.
Example: If your child spills their cereal, instead of jumping in, say: “Oops! What do we do when we make a mess?” Hand them a towel. You’re teaching responsibility.
This typically makes the task take longer, remember to slow down and let you child make mistakes. Allow them to learn through the process.
7. Model the Behavior You Want to See
Kids are always watching.
- Show patience in traffic.
- Apologize when you mess up.
- Treat others — including your children — with kindness and respect.
Example: If you’re frustrated, narrate your coping: “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take three deep breaths before I respond.”
8. Use Active Listening & Show Empathy
Your child’s feelings are real — even when they seem small.
- Make eye contact.
- Reflect what they say: “It sounds like that made you sad.”
- Avoid brushing off their emotions with “You’re fine.”
Empathy doesn’t mean giving in — it means connecting.
Acknowledge your child’s feelings, invite them to share more, and offer support.
9. Hold Weekly Family Meetings
This has been a game-changer for our household.
- Keep it short (15–30 minutes).
- Let everyone share: Wins 🏆 | Challenges ⚠️ | Plan ✅
- Set age-appropriate goals — academic, behavioral, or personal.
- Reflect together: “What went well? What can we work on?”
- Encourage problem-solving and teamwork.
Even little kids can participate. Make it fun — have snacks, let someone “host” each week, have a fun interactive “thing” (My family does hands in “Team Stapps” at the end of every meeting)
10. Connect with Your Local Church
Spiritual community matters — for you and your children.
Benefits of being involved in church:
- Teaches values and purpose
- Builds friendships rooted in faith
- Encourages service and gratitude
- Provides positive role models
- Gives you, as a parent, support and encouragement too
Don’t underestimate the impact of faith-based community in raising grounded, compassionate kids.
11. Hold Yourself Accountable
Each week, reflect honestly:
- Where was I too passive or distracted?
- Where did I show up well?
- What’s one thing I want to do better next week?
Write it down and discuss with your spouse. Growth begins with self-awareness.
Final Thoughts
Passive parenting doesn’t make you a bad parent — it makes you human. But we’re not called to be perfect parents. We’re called to be present ones.
Start small. Start today. One moment of intention at a time.
